Monday, September 18, 2006

Big Golf Week Coming Up

The Ryder Cup between the US and Europe is this week. There are plenty of places on the internet for a preview of that little event. The staff of this blog is dedicating itself to the 14th annual Wood Acres Neighborhood Open (aka The Neighb. Open) this week. One thing I would like to see is this event take a tradition from The Masters and have the champion from the prior year host a dinner the night before. In checking my schedule, I'm free this Friday. Mortons or The Palm sound good to you Gus?

Here is an edited version of the e-mail we received from Gus, who as defending champion, is in charge of setting this mess up.

And so it is set. Saturday 1:30, 1:40 and 1:50 at Cross Creek Golf Club in Beltsville MD. The grand event that is the 2006 Neighb. Open is here.

A quick look at this year's confirmed entrants. Editors Note: Nicknames have been used to protect the innocent.

Gus: Two-time defending champ hopes to become the first golfer to ever win three straight Neighbs. Short, quirky Cross Creek design should be a plus (his only round there included a career-best 3 birdies in 2003). But rumors persist of a wayward driver and recent bouts of shanks on the range. Stamina and conditioning are always a potental problem considering Gus's questionable diet of hot dogs, cheeseburgers and beer. This guy makes Phil Mickelson look like Jack LaLanne.

Rob: Perhaps the most talent in the field. Has already taunted Gus by saying his "150 yard tee shots won't cut it.'' Yet he has a long history of crumbling vs. Gus in the clutch (last years' Neighb, '04 BC Batchelor Scramble, etc.).

Barry: How Barry hasn't won is absolutely inexplicable. Strange scoring controversies, late triple bogeys have all hurt and led to four second-place finishes. Last year was downright ridiculous when he lost a two-shot lead with three holes left when his second shot inexplicably disappeared on No. 16 at Hampshire Greens (double bogey), then his pal Weess screamed "Have you seen a 7-iron?" during the backswing of his final make-or-break pitch shot on No. 18.

Weess: Joining Gus as the only three-time Neighb winner, Weess has been reduced to folly lately as his game has crumbled. His latest suggestions include making a golf round only 14 holes while any sand not in a bunker on the course he deems "illegal" There have also been rumors of recent alcohol-induced mishaps around the house (falling down stairs, bumping his head, stepping on nails, etc.), which Weess denies. Still he has a history of rising to the occasion at the Neighb so don't count him out.

Bill-DC: Pronounced himself fit for Neighb after playing four holes last month at his Mom's home in South Carolina. Not exactly the work ethic of Vijay Singh, but the former caddy with the Arnold Palmer-swing figures to be good for many laughs.

Fred: Sure to fail the post-round drug test, Fred is known to save his best shots for the 19th hole. Most include bourbon and scotch. Was smart enough to ditch his Redskins season tickets, though.

Tony: Hopefully Tony will wear his trademark wide-brimmed hat. His game is questionable but again, another solid contender when the 19th rolls around. A lot depends on his pre-tournament preparation, which usually involves signalling the bartender for another round.

Tim Dog: Once mocked for playing with ancient hand-me-down clubs, Tim got some pity from his longtime drinking and softball pal Gus, who gave him his Nicklaus N1 irons. He claims to have last gone to the range in 2003. Yet no one is more creative with a scoring pencil. The foot wedge from the sand is his specialty shot.

Elwood: Civilizations crumble quicker faster than Elwood can line up a putt. Daylight is often an issue when he takes the course. No one has a better time out there though than Woody, who won this thing in '99.

BC: Former champ looking to get his second title. Last night's Redskins loss to the Cowboys and the 'Skins 0-2 start could affect his practice routine this week.

So there you have it. One more fact. There is no Butler Cabin or 18th green presentation of this trophy. It usually rides in the back of the cart of the defending champion, we pour a beer into it and hand it to the winner.

We really should change the name of this thing to the Otis Campbell Open in honor of the classic drunk on the Andy Griffith Show. You know the scenes when Otis stumbles into the police station and lets himself into the jail? That's usually the way this tournament ends.

I do plan on bringing my camera to capture this drama as it unfolds so stay tuned.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I agree with Weess - 14 holes is perfect. But I didn't come to that decision until I was past 60 years of age!