A Friend Passes On...

 

January 19, 2024

Mike R passed away. Who was Mike? Mike was the one who reached out to me at an AA meeting at Annunciation Catholic Church in Washington DC back in the Spring of 1989.  I was newly sober and struggling with life in sobriety.

Back then I had no direction and idea where I was going as I had very little sobriety time. I was going to meetings but not really getting much out of it. I was not drinking and that was good but I was very unhappy and not sure if sobriety was the right decision. I was a lost cause who needed guidance. I told myself I would give the Saturday night meeting at Annunciation a chance but that it was likely my last meeting and I probably would go back out there drinking as I was comfortable at bars and parties with a drink(s) in my hand.

As the meeting was about to start, Mike pulled up a chair, sat next to me and could probably sense this, I am sure. After the meeting closed, we talked about sports, sobriety and I felt pretty good. I felt comfortable for once and left thinking I found some hope, that I still wanted to give sobriety a chance.

A couple days after we meet, Mike takes me and a couple other folks from the program to an Orioles game. I believe it was the first sporting event I had ever been to sober and during the ride up and during the game we all talked about the program, the Orioles contending and other things. The friendship grew, my meeting attendance increased thanks to Mike taking me everywhere. I did not have a car then and he took me to experience more types of meetings and meet other people. We played golf with others from the program. Mike told me to think of it as a five - hour AA meeting. Through him and his wife Rosalie I got to know folks and my confidence in the program and staying sober grew.

I accumulated time and over the years we would talk a few times a week. We went to a lot of sporting events. I think I was the one who really got him interested in hockey and the Washington Capitals.

Mike was a sponsor in my wedding. He followed my adventures as a dad to my son Ben when I was on Facebook so he knew where I was in life. If I keep my head straight one day at a time, next month I celebrate 35 years of sobriety. I would not be where I am today without him.

In closing, Mike really enjoyed the second chance he had in life thanks to his sobriety. He was someone I really enjoyed being around whether it was at a meeting, sporting event or golf course. RIP Mike, and I know I am not the only one to say this but you saved my life. Thank you for reaching out to a lost cause that Saturday night at Annunciation Catholic Church in the Spring of 1989. Rest easy.

Bill B.

Sterling, VA

Thirty Years In A Thousand Words

Sunday, February 19, 1989 Friends and I go to College Park MD see Maryland play North Carolina in basketball. I drank the night before, so it didn’t take long for me to get the buzz going again. Maryland was getting beaten up by UNC. We were getting restless as the game was out of hand and we were out of liquor. We went to the Rendezvous for beers. A friend was up from Florida, so later we went to his parent’s house as we wanted to drink with him. His folks were away so I grabbed a bottle of vodka from their liquor cabinet and mixed some Bloody Mary’s. I did not want to share this with anyone. Selfishness. Mine only. I passed out and ended up at my parent’s house as my friends went somewhere and just deposited me. That’s how bad I got. I couldn’t control myself anymore. I blacked out a lot.

Monday, February 20, 1989 President’s Day. My Mom, ticked off at seeing me passed out on the couch, drove me to my apartment in DC. I don’t believe we spoke. I was so hung over. I slept, later waking in the middle of the afternoon with my head pounding, stomach aching. I stumbled to the bathroom, threw up and looked in the mirror. What a mess at the age of 27.

I looked awful, felt like crap and decided then I had to somehow end this nonsense. I had to do something about my drinking. Quit. I had no plan, but the phrase "one day at a time" came to me so I decided that was how I would attempt to do this. One day at a time. I would just stop. I got through the rest of the week without alcohol. I skipped happy hours I normally went to. I would just go straight home from work and went to bed shaking and scared. I disconnected my phone as I didn’t want to talk to anyone. I had no idea what the hell I was doing or where I was going but my feeling was I was doing the right thing.

Days went by. I missed the camaraderie of my friends during the weekend. I tried meeting them at various bars and would just sip soda or water. I took a lot of abuse.  Friends would give me shit. I wasn’t used to this. Bartenders who used to serve me beer after beer said they wouldn’t serve me soda or water. I didn’t fit in. It sucked. I stopped doing that. I wanted to drink, the urge to do so was getting to me.  I’m amazed I didn’t pick up. I kept strong knowing I had to take care of myself and clean up my mess of a life.

Confused, I had questions. Why is my life miserable still? I am not drinking, and I still feel awful. What is going on and why? With no experience at this, I did not know how much longer I could continue. Desperate, I ended up calling a friend who had been going to AA meetings a couple years and I begged if he would take me. He said he had my back. I felt scared at first in a church basement full of strangers. I got assurance from my friend and others that this was where I needed to be. I picked up a Where and When booklet that listed every AA meeting in DC/MD/VA. I went back again and again with my friend. Pretty soon I felt confident to go on my own. I met people who helped.  I would go to meetings daily. I was told to keep coming back!

For the first time in my life I shut up and just listened. I met people, exchanged numbers and talked to them over the phone when I had temptations to drink. I read literature. Slowly, questions were finally being answered. I accrued sobriety time, feeling good about myself.  Sober days turned into sober weeks, sober weeks turned into sober months. At meetings I listened and learned. I volunteered and did service work by making coffee before meetings at my home AA group. It was then I felt folks could count on me. The coffee probably wasn’t great but confidence in myself started to come back. No longer was I feeling miserable.

Tuesday, February 20, 1990 I achieved one year of sobriety!

People slowly started to trust me again. I worked the 12 steps, making phone calls to people I hurt with my behavior and apologizing. It was hard, but I fought on and never gave up on myself.

I had a lot of help along the way through friends in the program. Insights, advice, assistance and patience with me have been greatly appreciated over the years. Thank you!!!

Those struggling with this disease, remember to always keep the faith, believe in yourself. It does get better but you will experience good and bad days. That’s life. It’s not easy. Pick up the phone and call a friend. Head to a meeting. I still have days where there is temptation. Doesn’t a cold beer look great in the Summer at a baseball game? One would lead to two, would lead to several.  I think of what could be lost. No thank you.

Wednesday, February 20, 2019 Thirty years sober! Today I am a husband and father. I am not anonymous, but open. I face life’s challenges with a clear head.  I am not perfect and don’t try to be. I just continue to battle, one day at a time.

In sharing my story, I hope I can reach folks struggling. I hope I can assure folks that the sober path they are on is the right path. If one person reaches out saying my story helped…if one person reaches out needing advice then this has been worth sharing. It works if you work it.

Thank you very much for taking the time to read this.