Thursday, August 23, 2007

This Must Be Archived

My friend John wrote this as he was at the massacre at Camden Yards last night. Think Animal House here, the scene where the Dean calls in the Delta House crew and tells them it's all over for them....

The Scene: Dave Trembley's office following O's doubleheader sweep to lowly Rangers.

In walk Daniel Cabrera, Rob Bell, Brian Burres, Garrett Olson and Paul Shuey.

Trembley: Where are the others Hoey, Baez and Walker?

Cabrera: We looked everywhere for them Dean Trembley.

Trembley: Have you boys seen your ERAs?

Cabrera: They're not posted yet, sir.

Trembley: I have them right here. Mr. Cabrera, five innings, 9 hits, six runs, 1 walk, four strikeouts, two HRs given up. A 5.10 ERA for the season. A fine example you set. Mr. Bell, 1 -1/3 innings pitched 5 hits, seven runs, 3 walks, 1 strikeout, 2 HRs given up. Congratulations Mr. Bell, you're at the top of the Orioles bullpen. Mr. Burres, 2/3 inning pitched, 8 runs, 8 hits, 1 walk, 1 strikeout, 1 HR given up. Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life, son.

Mr. Olson, has no ERA. All games incomplete. Too many walks .... Mr. Shuey (with pencils in nose) ... 9.49 ERA ...

Now I want you to tell Mr. Hoey, Walker and Baez exactly what I'm about to tell you

Cabrera: What's that, sir?

Trembley: You're OUT!! Finished with the Baltimore Orioles. I want you out of Camden Yards by 9 a.m. Monday morning .... And I'm sure you'll all be glad to know that I've informed your agents that you are all now eligible for Independent League service.

Burres face begins to bubble ...

Trembley: You have something to say ... Well? ... Out with it!


The Orioles lost a doubleheader to the Texas Rangers last night. They took a 3-0 lead in game one and the Rangers scored 30 unanswered runs to win 30-3. Then the Rangers took the second game, 9-7. For me, last night's mess ranks right there with the Orioles 0-21 start in 1988.

Yet I was fascinated with this game as I tuned it when the score was 24-3. D.C. United was playing New York, their main rival a couple channels down but I kept the tv tuned to the O's game. Why? I can't really explain it. The Rangers batted around three times in this game. That feat was last accomplished in 1990.

Since winning the World Series in 1983, this once proud franchise has turned into the laughing stock of baseball. Don't worry though, the two losses to the Rangers won't hurt the O's bid for their tenth straight fourth place finish in the American League East.

"Unbelievable. A new low. I'm so ashamed." - Otter, Animal House

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Why is it that the Rangers are always putting some sort of epic defeat on us?

Remember '86 with the 13-11 loss in the 2 Grand Slams in one inning game? Then the next nite we went and lost 9-8 because Aase couldn't come in after he hurt his back playing with his kid? That began the 14-42 collapse to end that season, which gave us the Tin Man-regime in '87, which led to 0-21 in '88.

Then they scored 26 runs on us in '96 the second most before
this drubbing. Then in the rain-delayed game BC and I attended two years ago, the O's jump to a 5-0 lead on Chris Young (yes, that Chris Young of the Padres) then blow the lead, tie it in the 9th only to lose thanks to Julio in the 11th. Mazzilli got axed a week