Sunday, February 19,
1989 Friends and I go to College Park MD see Maryland play North Carolina
in basketball. I drank the night before, so it didn’t take long for me to get
the buzz going again. Maryland was getting beaten up by UNC. We were getting
restless as the game was out of hand and we were out of liquor. We went to the
Rendezvous for beers. A friend was up from Florida, so later we went to his parent’s
house as we wanted to drink with him. His folks were away so I grabbed a bottle
of vodka from their liquor cabinet and mixed some Bloody Mary’s. I did not want
to share this with anyone. Selfishness. Mine only. I passed out and ended up at
my parent’s house as my friends went somewhere and just deposited me. That’s
how bad I got. I couldn’t control myself anymore. I blacked out a lot.
Monday, February 20,
1989 President’s Day. My Mom, ticked off at seeing me passed out on the
couch, drove me to my apartment in DC. I don’t believe we spoke. I was so hung
over. I slept, later waking in the middle of the afternoon with my head
pounding, stomach aching. I stumbled to the bathroom, threw up and looked in
the mirror. What a mess at the age of 27.
I looked awful, felt like crap and decided then I had to
somehow end this nonsense. I had to do something about my drinking. Quit. I had
no plan, but the phrase "one day at a time" came to me so I decided
that was how I would attempt to do this. One day at a time. I would just stop. I
got through the rest of the week without alcohol. I skipped happy hours I
normally went to. I would just go straight home from work and went to bed shaking
and scared. I disconnected my phone as I didn’t want to talk to anyone. I had no
idea what the hell I was doing or where I was going but my feeling was I was
doing the right thing.
Days went by. I missed the camaraderie of my friends during
the weekend. I tried meeting them at various bars and would just sip soda or
water. I took a lot of abuse. Friends
would give me shit. I wasn’t used to this. Bartenders who used to serve me beer
after beer said they wouldn’t serve me soda or water. I didn’t fit in. It
sucked. I stopped doing that. I wanted to drink, the urge to do so was getting
to me. I’m amazed I didn’t pick up. I
kept strong knowing I had to take care of myself and clean up my mess of a
life.
Confused, I had questions. Why is my life miserable still? I
am not drinking, and I still feel awful. What is going on and why? With no
experience at this, I did not know how much longer I could continue. Desperate,
I ended up calling a friend who had been going to AA meetings a couple years and
I begged if he would take me. He said he had my back. I felt scared at first in
a church basement full of strangers. I got assurance from my friend and others that
this was where I needed to be. I picked up a Where and When booklet that listed
every AA meeting in DC/MD/VA. I went back again and again with my friend. Pretty
soon I felt confident to go on my own. I met people who helped. I would go to meetings daily. I was told to
keep coming back!
For the first time in my life I shut up and just listened. I
met people, exchanged numbers and talked to them over the phone when I had
temptations to drink. I read literature. Slowly, questions were finally being
answered. I accrued sobriety time, feeling good about myself. Sober days turned into sober weeks, sober
weeks turned into sober months. At meetings I listened and learned. I
volunteered and did service work by making coffee before meetings at my home AA
group. It was then I felt folks could count on me. The coffee probably wasn’t
great but confidence in myself started to come back. No longer was I feeling
miserable.
Tuesday, February 20,
1990 I achieved one year of sobriety!
People slowly started to trust me again. I worked the 12 steps,
making phone calls to people I hurt with my behavior and apologizing. It was
hard, but I fought on and never gave up on myself.
I had a lot of help along the way through friends in the
program. Insights, advice, assistance and patience with me have been greatly
appreciated over the years. Thank you!!!
Those struggling with this disease, remember to always keep
the faith, believe in yourself. It does get better but you will experience good
and bad days. That’s life. It’s not easy. Pick up the phone and call a friend.
Head to a meeting. I still have days where there is temptation. Doesn’t a cold
beer look great in the Summer at a baseball game? One would lead to two, would
lead to several. I think of what could
be lost. No thank you.
Wednesday, February
20, 2019 Thirty years sober! Today I am a husband and father. I am not
anonymous, but open. I face life’s challenges with a clear head. I am not perfect and don’t try to be. I just
continue to battle, one day at a time.
In sharing my story, I hope I can reach folks struggling. I
hope I can assure folks that the sober path they are on is the right path. If
one person reaches out saying my story helped…if one person reaches out needing
advice then this has been worth sharing. It works if you work it.
Thank you very much for taking the time to read this.
